thoughts

it's easter break and i had all these grand ideas of getting a lot of work done on my novel. well, i have gotten some work done, but of course it does not gel with my expectations which makes me feel i need to chuck the expectation cuz if i'm ever to get anywhere with this project, completely overwhelming myself is not going to help!
but, the good news is, the project is moving along & i am thankful for that. this is something i started so many years ago, but just could not figure out & now, it seems as if it is moving, finally. i am trying to work on it every day, otherwise, i feel lousy! no kidding. i feel so guilty (another unhealthy feeling, I know, but i figure i can combat it by doing what i really want to do, which is write!) and i am also allowing myself to enjoy my son!!
yesterday when i was in the kitchen preparing dinner i just thought, i am a mother! and i almost buckled at the knees! i mean, i am the person responsible for preparing kai for this thing called life. wow. the thing that i have found most remarkable about parenting is that a. kai is my greatest teacher, i mean through how i deal with him i see all my shortcomings and b. you can always parent better.
there has been a quiet that has descended out lives that is priceless. a lot of it has to do with work and writing but this silence is truly where i need to be right now.
things are definitely not perfect but i truly doubt they get much better.
ok, as this festival of fertility is being celebrated (think bunnies and eggs!) i'm going to work on my novel before my son wakes up :-)

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