Home.

The problem with reaching for the stars is that you miss your footing and forget to look at the flowers you're so busy trampling upon. Sometimes you think it is all THERE and actually, it is all HERE. You got it, no one else can give it to you, no one else can take it from you. Clean and simple.
Last Monday I came home from work. My son was at his dad's and I figured I'd do nothing. I switched the television on and saw the most incredible BBC documentary entitled Heroes and Villains--the Hernán Cortés part. I managed to miss the first three quarters of it, but got the last part. The last scene was brilliant. He's standing there, with his "native lover" at his side. He's looking at the destruction 600 Europeans managed to make on an entire civilization (guns, germs and genocide) and he laments, "But it was all so beautiful before." To which the woman at his side remarks, "Yes, but it was not yours before. Now it is."
My 38th birthday is bumrushing me! Coming upon me like fools rushing in. Two years shy of 40...hmmm. What have I learned? If anything? On my way to work today, as I biked through the cold air I thought, "Maybe my name should be Ms. Stake." What does the word mistake mean anyway? To put a stake in the wrong thing? Miss your stake? Miss your mark? Whatever it means, is there really such a phenomena as a mistake? What if you keep on making them over and over again? Insanity people plead...I say, what about human? What if you have this stubborn belief that people will pull through for you in the end, although most of your life experiences have taught you the contrary?
Whatever the answer to that question is, there is one thing that is clear. I am going to be more open to all those around me. I know people think I am open, but that is far from the truth. It's amazing the survival skills one develops when one is used to a certain dynamic, but then suddenly you realize that the world does not have to be limited to protecting oneself. Hurt is hurt. Through hurt you discover your weaknesses, you get stronger...or perish.
My openness will start with my writing. I know there are some of you who have read the entirety of this blog and praise me for how open I am. Trust me, I have not even started to go there yet. But there is no better time than now, and 38? It is never too late...
farvel,
the lab