Hildred Balbirsingh (September 17th, 1924-February 10th, 2019)
I had the honor of writing and presenting my grandmother's Eulogy at her funeral in Santa Cruz, Trinidad on Friday, March 1st. As you may already know if you're a long-time reader of my blog, my grandmother and I had a very close relationship.
My name is Lesley-Ann and I am one of Hildred Balbirsingh’s 10 grandchildren.
Mummy Hildred transitioned on February 10th, 2019.
She was the faithful wife of Ewart G. Gladstone for 50 years and survived him by 25 years.
She is survived by her five children Beryl, Bernice, Stephen, Beverly & Vincent.
Her ten grandchildren: Shelley, Gerry, Tessa, Junior, Camille, Tami, Jason, Marvin, Dominic-Savio and myself.
She also is the great grandmother of Gerard Jr. , Renee, Maya, Talia, Kai, Kaii, Benjamin, Gabriel Savior, Geriah and Ryuta.
She is also the great great grandmother of Sidney Stinson.
Thank you all for coming to celebrate her life.
My grandmother was born here in Santa Cruz and it was a place very dear to her heart. She spoke of it often, and to know my grandmother would be in a way, to know Santa Cruz. Anyone who knows her knows of how fitting that this would be her last resting place, for her physical being. This village and this church have held her and many members of my family through many milestones in life, and I am grateful to this community for this.
My grandmother was known by many names: Hildred Balbirsingh. Mrs. Singh. Mummy. Mammy. Mummy Hildred. Mother Mildred. Hildegard. Hildred. Mother. Hot Foot. These are just some of the names that come to mind when I think about my grandmother Hildred Balbirsingh – a multi-talented woman who was, as my sister, her granddaughter Shelley-Ann always called her, a true “Renaissance woman” - of the kind that only the unique nation of Trinidad and Tobago could produce. She, like this country was a connecting station of various countries, knowledges and talents, all of which our family, friends and larger community would have been so much poorer without.
When asked for one word to describe her words like hardworking, provider, tough, funny, beautiful, faithful, nurturer, kind, helpful, blessed, independent, virtuous were given.
I know my grandmother best as a woman who was not idle.
She was a hard worker.
I would always remember her waking up early in Diamond Vale, whether it was to make bake for the family, bake bread for the local church, go to town or to work in the garden. There were many mornings when I would awaken, and she would have already been back from running an errand in town. One of the memories that have been visiting me often is the day she came home from town and announced that she had paid off the house in Diamond Vale. The look of achievement that beamed from her soul was very instructional, and well-deserved, and I will always remember it.
Mummy Hildred worked hard in Trinidad and she worked hard in New York. I remember well that she did not stop working of her own volition. She did not want to stop. Whether it was working in her beloved garden in Diamond Vale, or cooking up a storm like pizza, shepherd’s pie, okra and rice, curry pumpkin, bodi, Aloo pie or any other of the countless of dishes that she perfected, sewing clothes, baking for her friends and family; taking care of the elderly in Manhattan, babysitting the community’s children, my grandmother was the living embodiment of the character of woman it takes to give birth to a great nation.
Mummy Hildred was a nurturer - the type of grandmother that paid attention and fed the talent that she observed. e.g. When she noticed my sister making things from a very young age, she would encourage it by ordering wooden kits for her to build miniature furniture. She would nurture Vincent’s love for music by contributing to buy records that she would later complain about. She was a fiercely loyal wife, mother and grandmother.
Her husband, Ewart. G. Balbirsingh, or granddaddy, used to always say “common sense is not so common” and although we live in a world that seems to revere degrees of paper issued by institutions— My grandmother was the epitome of intelligence, frugality, practicality and humility – all traits that growing up in times of war would surely endow you with. Her lessons in life were solid – whether it was how to “stretch” money or juice; the necessity of eating fruits and vegetables. Mummy Hildred was talking about tofu way before it became a fad and her instruction in life was always sound and practical such as, “You don’t need to eat meat every day.” Or “Eat your ground provisions, it’s what made us strong.” I still hear these words and try my best to live by them, because it is true.
Like so many other mothers in Trinidad and Tobago, my grandmother made the difficult decision to work abroad. She made the sacrifice of moving to Cumberland, Maryland, always in search of ways to improve both her own, her family’s and others’ lives. Like so many other Trinidadian women, she joined the workforce of a foreign country, hoping to pave a better way for her family.
Mummy Hildred had a compulsion towards the healthy – with her sturdy & beautiful legs, lime bud tea & she discouraged competition, especially among her family. She always expressed that she wanted us to support each other.
Las Cuevas, Maracas, Banchiseusse, Toco, Manzanila, Mayaro, Cedros, Claxton Bay…These are places that were dear to her heart. I see my grandmother all around me in Trinidad – she is Trinidad to me. She is Trinidad’s history and a great reminder of where we come from and how we can move forward as individuals, as family, and a community.
Mummy Hildred is dinner mints or “sweeties”, a safe and loving place, protection. She was a vivid storyteller and would satiate my curiosity about my family with fond memories about her childhood and family. She loved it when her grandchildren would rub her down from a hard day in the garden. She would beam, boast even about how good Camille would rub her back.
Like so many other women of her generation, around the world, I know my grandmother suffered a lot. But her sense of humor, her ability to laugh and continue would always be a source of inspiration. Another memory I have of her was when I lived with her in Trinidad and we used to sleep on the same bed. Sometimes she would close her eyes and ask me, jokingly, “Lesley, How I looking dead?”
In a sense she was both a woman ahead of her time and a woman of her time – combining vision with execution, industriousness and a strong, unshakable faith in her God and her Church. She stepped up to the responsibility of my spiritual education ensuring that I took the sacrament of my first communion and that I was confirmed as she had done with her own children.
We live in a culture of winners and losers. We are taught, whether consciously or not that you are only as good as your job or salary. You can tell the strength of a person by how they treat those that society deems to be weak, whether it’s because they are disabled, troubled or some other ailment that causes our society to ostracize them. Living with Mummy Hildred, I had many occasions to witness the strong conviction she always carried for not only routing for the underdog, but many times have added her support. She often provided a home for those who were most in need of one, and I and my siblings benefited greatly from her and her husband’s kindness, love and generosity.
One of the stories shared with me recently is from Wendy Ann James, a member of the Butcher family who was very close to ours. She spoke very warmly of the time she first became a mother and how my grandmother invited her to stay with her for two weeks. Every one who has experienced motherhood can understand the importance of having support such as this. This was the kind of woman my grandmother was and it is very indicative of the spirit of Trinidad and Tobago – the reason why so many of us are here: taking care of each other, supporting each other even if we are not related by blood. We can certainly do with more of this in the world.
Mummy Hildred loved to travel, and one of the highlights of my life was when she decided to travel to Copenhagen, Denmark to see me and celebrate her birthday. One of my favorite memories of her was taking her to the summer house in Northern Denmark and seeing her interact with the garden there. While walking in this garden, she commented that there was room for another house on the property. A year later the owner of the land had followed my grandmother’s instruction and built a house right on that spot. Whenever I visit I think of Mummy Hildred.
This eulogy is incomplete because this eulogy includes all of you – I invite you all to sing praises in the name of my grandmother Hildred Balbirsingh, a woman who truly lived up to the name “Balbir- Singh” or “Strong Lion”. I ask you to sing her praises in all that you do, to live your life with the spirit of her in your hearts, reflecting the values that she so effortlessly demonstrated.
In the words of her youngest son, Vincent, “They haven’t named a storm after Hildred yet!” And I think that sentiment sums up the vitality and energy she brought to everything that she did. And he reminded me, “Mummy Hildred didn’t need us, we needed her.”
Everyone who knew Mummy Hildred knew of her love of St. Francis:
Lord make me an instrument of thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury; pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope: where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
I would like to extend a special thank you to Aunty Bev and Carol, who took excellent care of our beloved for the last 12 years.
