On Marriage
I went to a copper anniversary this weekend and it was truly inspiring. This couple in particular always give me a lot of positive things to think about: they always seem to have both feet planted on the ground and their eyes focused on the important, especially their family. It's no wonder because the man happens to be Tante Liv's son, and well, incredible people do raise incredible children.
Being at this anniversary party made me think of my own marriage to Benjamin and my own relationship to family in particular. Throughout my childhood, whenever my father's temper would flare up, my mother would take us kids, sometimes police escorted, and we'd run to the refuge of one of her patient, kind friends until my father calmed down, and we could then go home again. This was a regular part of my childhood and I remember as a child, looking forward to when it happened, so used to it I had become and addicted to the drama.
Benjamin and I have been together for six years, and we were separated for two. We are together again, although we are keeping separate apartments. It works for us now, but it does mean that we have to make an extra effort to make sure we make time for each other, otherwise it's quite easy to lose each other all over again. Especially with my personality because it is difficult for me to focus on things I am not directly experiencing. But we are doing our best and thankfully, I am realizing a lot about myself in terms of how I relate to others, relationships and intimacy.
Whenever Ben & fought in the past, and even now, I get this feeling that we should not be together. It is as if I don't know how to fight without calling it quits. It is a bad habit, and I can see how it is directly related to this flight syndrome I had grown up with. The hardest thing though, is actually putting this knowledge into practice. When I'm all calm I can see it as plain as day, but when I'm angry--well, that's a whole nother story...
I remember when I was a kid the animosity my domestic situation brought out in some family members: It was not unusual for me to overhear or be the target of many negative comments about my character. Remember, I was only a child. What this taught me and is one of the hardest things to let go of is never to trust anyone. This has severely impaired my ability to open up to people, even my husband.
I am trying to work on these things. I am fortunate to have people around me who are privy to these attempts and are actually coaching me along and offering me support when I wobble.
This morning I fell and bumped my head. Well, actually I fainted! And now I have the biggest cut on my forehead. I stayed in bed all day and Ben, Kai, Anni and other family members were there bringing me water and helping me. I couldn't help think about what my Grandmother said when she visited me, "You married yourself into a good family and Benjamin is a good husband." I think about how difficult it is for me to value what I have, because I continue with this abuse mentality. Hopefully this big scar on my forehead works to not only remind me of how fortunate and rich I am, but to exercise thankfulness for my family here in Denmark.
I wish you all a GREAT week!
the lab
Being at this anniversary party made me think of my own marriage to Benjamin and my own relationship to family in particular. Throughout my childhood, whenever my father's temper would flare up, my mother would take us kids, sometimes police escorted, and we'd run to the refuge of one of her patient, kind friends until my father calmed down, and we could then go home again. This was a regular part of my childhood and I remember as a child, looking forward to when it happened, so used to it I had become and addicted to the drama.
Benjamin and I have been together for six years, and we were separated for two. We are together again, although we are keeping separate apartments. It works for us now, but it does mean that we have to make an extra effort to make sure we make time for each other, otherwise it's quite easy to lose each other all over again. Especially with my personality because it is difficult for me to focus on things I am not directly experiencing. But we are doing our best and thankfully, I am realizing a lot about myself in terms of how I relate to others, relationships and intimacy.
Whenever Ben & fought in the past, and even now, I get this feeling that we should not be together. It is as if I don't know how to fight without calling it quits. It is a bad habit, and I can see how it is directly related to this flight syndrome I had grown up with. The hardest thing though, is actually putting this knowledge into practice. When I'm all calm I can see it as plain as day, but when I'm angry--well, that's a whole nother story...
I remember when I was a kid the animosity my domestic situation brought out in some family members: It was not unusual for me to overhear or be the target of many negative comments about my character. Remember, I was only a child. What this taught me and is one of the hardest things to let go of is never to trust anyone. This has severely impaired my ability to open up to people, even my husband.
I am trying to work on these things. I am fortunate to have people around me who are privy to these attempts and are actually coaching me along and offering me support when I wobble.
This morning I fell and bumped my head. Well, actually I fainted! And now I have the biggest cut on my forehead. I stayed in bed all day and Ben, Kai, Anni and other family members were there bringing me water and helping me. I couldn't help think about what my Grandmother said when she visited me, "You married yourself into a good family and Benjamin is a good husband." I think about how difficult it is for me to value what I have, because I continue with this abuse mentality. Hopefully this big scar on my forehead works to not only remind me of how fortunate and rich I am, but to exercise thankfulness for my family here in Denmark.
I wish you all a GREAT week!
the lab
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