Riff

Things are going unbelievably well professionally.
The ideas are coming out my nose, the inspiration is there, the artistic fellowship and support in response to my work has stepped forward.
I can't tell you how many times I have been tempted to kill this blog. But I don't. I keep on keeping on despite the fact that I wonder why I do it.
But whenever I ask myself that question, the answer is always loud and clear: Because I have to.
I am here and these are my experiences.
My desire is not only to give voice to my experiences, but to those around me.

Most of the time I walk around Copenhagen feeling that nobody gets me, that I am speaking another language (!). But on closer inspection I realize, once again, that I am wrong. Some people do get me, understand my language and what I do. And what do I do? I write.

I know that most of the time, I do not present myself as a writer. The question, "what do you do?" has been one I have wrestled with all my grown-up life. I do a lot of things. When I am at my best, I'm probably reading a natural science book, working on a story/poem/show, collage. I usually work a job, far from my passion for the experience. I have worked as a waitress, cleaner, banker, nanny, administrative assistant, at McDonald's, at magazines, at publishing companies...you name it and I've probably done it. But then again, on a good day, my passion is life.
The same with my living situation. I have lived many different places, and New York? Name a neighborhood, I've probably lived there: Flatbush, Williamsburgh, East Village, West Village, Forte Greene, Chelsea...why? Because, because, it is part of my existence, I am, as a friend of mine observed recently, "a nomad". You cannot write if you do not live life.

People wonder at the name of my blog. Mostly Danes. They wonder, why Blackgirl on Mars? Why not just 'Girl on Mars'? BGOM is about feelings of alienation. Feeling like you don't belong no matter where you go, but finding out in the end, you belong everywhere. It is about connecting the interconnectedness all around us. As we say in Trinidad, 'All of We is One.'. So, if you feel alienated by the title of my blog, welcome to my world. Work through that alienation, don't let it shut you out. Pull up a chair, sit a while, no matter what the color of your skin, you are my brother, you are my sister. I tell the whole world about myself because I have nothing to hide. My story is your story, and your story? Mine.

Specifically speaking, BGOM is about looking at the past. Culling knowledge from it and moving forward with this information in the spirit of Sankofa. It is, generally speaking a collective narrative. It is written in the first person, but this first person can be anyone...that is the beauty of writing. Of art. What does my work tell you about you? Forget about me...

As a foreigner in a foreign land I am navigating the best I can. Clumsily at times, but navigating none-the-less. I make mistakes. But, as I have oft quoted before, Art Blakey insists, 'If you make a mistake, make it loud!' My journey is riddled with mistakes, but I know my intentions are in the right place. We are all souls having a human experience...the material is immaterial, love should push us forward but fear, well, sometimes it holds me back...

Bandit Queen Press came out as a meditation. Knowing the business of publishing, especially that of poetry, I took to heart the essence of publishing: To make public. Always good with my hands (I fixed my own handycam this past weekend!) I needed a movement that placed the responsibility of getting my own work, my words, out there. It was not a matter of finding a publisher. It was a matter of using the technology at my hands to accomplish my goal: Getting my collection, The Organist's Daughter out there. Constructing it in such a way that it doesn't last. Hoping it will self-destruct after a limited number of years.

The poetry in this collection is personal. So much so, I didn't even read the whole thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I did read it, but after I put it down, I PUT IT DOWN. I needed to make amends with that part of my life, the people who figure largely during that period. But recently, I picked it up again. Read it. And loved it. Why am I writing this? Because Bandit Queen Press is about doing it yourself. Each book took an hour to make. They were handmade. I numbered each and every one of them. I made them all different. Each book was a mediation. Bandit Queen Press is a movement...in every sense of the word.

I am in the midst of doing a lot of things. I can't stop. My mind just keeps going and going. There are so many things to do here, in this world, so many things to be done to bring us together. To start dialogue. To start listening. This is what I was born to do. And nothing is clearer to me than that.

Adieu,
the lab