blackgirl on mars: notes on a life in copenhagen (or how my alienation brings me closer to people).

My grandfather was a handsome man--Strong jawbone, high cheekbones the color of terra cotta. We grew up hearing that he was orphaned after his parents traveled to Canada in search of a better life. The plan was, like so many other West Indians, to earn enough money and then "send" for the rest from home. Unfortunately his mother passed away, the family lore always saying that it was the "draft". Now, when Caribbean folk talk about the draft, they not talking about the military, they talking about that North American and European cold, that cold that gets down to the center of your bone, that cold that wraps itself around all your vitals and asphyxiates whatever warmth you have out of you. Apparently, the story goes, his mother sewed for a living and one day she ironed something, a handkerchief actually, and then went out into the cold. I'll never forget the picture that conjured up in my mind as a child: A brown woman with a blur of a face heating an iron up ...

My mother´s maiden name is Balbirsingh. It is a Sikh name and aside from our family in Trinidad, there is only one other family with the same name. But they are Indian and so don´t mix with us--we are a family of pot hounds, mix-breed. So in Trinidad there are only two groups of Balbirsinghs, my family, the mixed bunch, and then another bunch, with the doctor as the head, who again, wants nothing to do with us. I find this funny. My family finds this funny. My family, much to my chagrin, likes to talk about how mixed we are. In truth, I am just as East Indian as I am African and this comes from my father´s side as my mother´s. My father´s grandmother on his maternal side was a pure East-Indian who married like 7 times, all to creole (black) men. She lived in Sangre Grande and I met her when she was in her 90s. What kind of woman owns her own house, marries not only 7 times, but marries only to Black men when she herself is pure East Indian? I come from this line of women. On my mother...