Insomnia
If we all were to ask ourselves, how many people does it take to save the world, and answered, one, and recognized that that one person was our Self and actually undertook the work to self-improvement,then the world would truly be a better place. Often, the quickest way to self-improvement is through reflection--pure, unadulterated alone time. I am happiest, I vibrate so much higher when I have had alone time to balance out the time I have been subjected to the many many impressions that blast upon my spirit: work, the news, advertisements, bills, family, friends, expectations.
So then you realize that you must realign your life to fertilize those dreams and that saying yes to this means saying no to other things. It means having to choose between rereading Don Quixote or hanging out in some bar, smoking cigarettes and moaning about the state of the world (yes, I do a lot of that). But sometimes the book wins and you stay home and allow your soul to be shifted in that way in which only a good piece of literature can (And what was it someone mentioned to me--oh, that writers are happiest when they are reading and writing. Oh how this is true). Sometimes I think I like books more than I like people and I long to read more. And my god, how I love silence. Funny thing is, now that I can hear and experience the peace inherit in silence, it's more difficult for me to tolerate the white noise of television.
Sometimes the Universe sends you opportunities to grow, even if you resist it because she knows what you are ready for. Sometimes these lessons hurt our old egos, but we have to remember to shed that old skin. That way, that previous way, was not in line with the human being we long and aspire to be.
The kernel of the matter is, if you are at war within , then you will be at war without: every one you come into contact with is your enemy. Think about it: it takes just one person to ruin an environment. I remember my dad. Our whole family ebbed and flowed with his moods: if he was in a good mood, then we had a good time. If he was in a bad mood? Whole 'nother story-he was determined to take us down with him, and many times he succeeded.
But we can not be responsible for each other's happiness. I wrote that sentence, then deleted it, then re-wrote it. It makes me think about that conversation with John McGregor, the one when we attempted, like so many many many other human beings before, to answer the cliche of a question: What is Love? (Baby don't hurt me, no more... can you hear the cheesy techno beat?)
And the conclusion: that Love is putting someone else before yourself. And I think about my father, and the many tantrums he threw, and how many opportunities he had to act differently, and how he never took that opportunity and just kept on doing the same thing over and over and before I criticize him, I wonder how guilty am I of doing the very same thing in my own life? And I wonder about this 35 year-old war I have been waging upon myself, and I wonder, when am I going to start doing things differently? And I answer, Now.
And who do I love? Who is it that is present in my life that I am willing to put before myself? Well, the answer is obvious to those of you who know me, yet I post a different kind of challenge: When am I going to love myself to put myself, in the best possible light, first? And I answer, Now.
The holiday is over and Summer begins its slow but definite retreat, imperceptible at first (but too soon undoubtedly here).
As the darkness of another cold dark Danish winter lurks somewhere out there in the not too distant future, I bow my head and thank the Universe for the story I am in the process of re-membering.
So then you realize that you must realign your life to fertilize those dreams and that saying yes to this means saying no to other things. It means having to choose between rereading Don Quixote or hanging out in some bar, smoking cigarettes and moaning about the state of the world (yes, I do a lot of that). But sometimes the book wins and you stay home and allow your soul to be shifted in that way in which only a good piece of literature can (And what was it someone mentioned to me--oh, that writers are happiest when they are reading and writing. Oh how this is true). Sometimes I think I like books more than I like people and I long to read more. And my god, how I love silence. Funny thing is, now that I can hear and experience the peace inherit in silence, it's more difficult for me to tolerate the white noise of television.
Sometimes the Universe sends you opportunities to grow, even if you resist it because she knows what you are ready for. Sometimes these lessons hurt our old egos, but we have to remember to shed that old skin. That way, that previous way, was not in line with the human being we long and aspire to be.
The kernel of the matter is, if you are at war within , then you will be at war without: every one you come into contact with is your enemy. Think about it: it takes just one person to ruin an environment. I remember my dad. Our whole family ebbed and flowed with his moods: if he was in a good mood, then we had a good time. If he was in a bad mood? Whole 'nother story-he was determined to take us down with him, and many times he succeeded.
But we can not be responsible for each other's happiness. I wrote that sentence, then deleted it, then re-wrote it. It makes me think about that conversation with John McGregor, the one when we attempted, like so many many many other human beings before, to answer the cliche of a question: What is Love? (Baby don't hurt me, no more... can you hear the cheesy techno beat?)
And the conclusion: that Love is putting someone else before yourself. And I think about my father, and the many tantrums he threw, and how many opportunities he had to act differently, and how he never took that opportunity and just kept on doing the same thing over and over and before I criticize him, I wonder how guilty am I of doing the very same thing in my own life? And I wonder about this 35 year-old war I have been waging upon myself, and I wonder, when am I going to start doing things differently? And I answer, Now.
And who do I love? Who is it that is present in my life that I am willing to put before myself? Well, the answer is obvious to those of you who know me, yet I post a different kind of challenge: When am I going to love myself to put myself, in the best possible light, first? And I answer, Now.
The holiday is over and Summer begins its slow but definite retreat, imperceptible at first (but too soon undoubtedly here).
As the darkness of another cold dark Danish winter lurks somewhere out there in the not too distant future, I bow my head and thank the Universe for the story I am in the process of re-membering.
Comments